When I was younger, like a lot of gays, bis and lesbians; I did not know I was "POLY". I knew I was different, but I did not know what it was exactly. I blame it on my mom for she use to tell us, "Just date, don't get serious until you find the perfect one". I have yet to find the perfect "one", but I have come close to perfect with two, now I am down to one again and I don't quite feel whole.

I have struggled with the concept of just one true love for some time, until my late twenties I had been searching for the perfect "one" or my "soul mate". I thought I found her, then I didn't, then another, then not and again and again and again and again and so on. In the early 2000's I was nearly forced to choose between the three I was dating. The one I loved most chose for me and ran off with someone else, so I married the second. That was a mistake for we only lasted two years, but a lot of good has come of it. After that I went back to being Poly though I knew not of the name. What I am saying is, I was happy being with the three of them and having to choose messed up the whole relationship.

In a nut shell, poly means that you believe that someone can be in love with more then just one person at the same time. People use to make me feel bad and dirty because I have had trouble committing to just one woman at a time, I could commit to two or three, but one? ( Joke: A man committing to just one woman is like a woman committing to just one piece of chocolate, it is not likely going to happen:) Seriously; I don't have commitment issues, I can commit, just not to one. Also; Poly is not just about men and male fantasies, women can and do have multiple loves as well.

Poly is NOT like Tiger Woods or my brother who date or "have sex with" multiple women but hide it from their wives, girlfriends or other women they are ho'n around with. No; poly is not "not about sex", but it is not "all" about the sex. Poly is also NOT about secrets. My brother and I have dated multiple women nearly all our lives, the difference is; I was open and honest about my relationship and he hid it from the other women. Granted, he had more partners, but he was always watching his back and covering his tracks, every woman I dated knew I dated others and often knew the others and who they were.

It is like in the HBO TV series "Big Love"; when Margin was talking to her new friend and possible future sister wife. She said, "You know when people say they have found their soul mate"? And her friend replied, "Yes". Then Margie said, "Well, so far I found three"! That is what it is all about.

Same say that "poly" is cheating, but cheating is when you lie and go behind the others back(s). If you are open and honest and in it for the relationship more then you are in it for the sex, then you are poly; otherwise it is just a casual sex or non-monogamy. That is OK, if that is what you are into. We are not knocking anyone for their lifestyle choices so long as it is an honest one and we ask that others respect ours. I am simply clarifying the difference between Poly, non-monogamy and cheating. This website is a hate free zone for all poly people to network and understand the vast differences in the poly community. This is more like a www.PolyMySpace.com, if you are looking for a poly partner, I am working on www.PolyDateLine.com for that purpose. If you are just looking for sex, this is not the place for you; there are plenty of those sites out there but this is not one of them. If you are looking for porn, we do have a site for that: www.xXxNetworking.com, but we also do not allow porn on any of our poly sites.

Again, what is Poly? Poly is short for "Polygamy", "Polygyny", "Poly Bigamy", "Polyandry", "Polyamory", "Polyfidelity", "Polyfaithful", "Polymonogamy" and more...

What is the difference?

Now before I get started, this is only what I have learned in my studies, I do not lay claim that it is all 100% Accurate. Do not believe what anyone says without doing your own homework!

Poly is a bit more diverse and somewhat harder to explain then what most people would call a "normal" relationship. Poly is where more then two people are in the relationship and it could be one man and a couple or a few women, one woman and a couple or a few men, a few women and a few men, or what ever...

Polygamy; Polygyny and Polyandry are more like traditional harems, where one person in the relationship is the head, sorta. It's not quite that simple. Polygyny is where one man has more then one wife, like the Mormons use to be. Polyandry is the reverse, where one woman has more then one husband. Polygamy is the category that sums them both up into one. However, with Polygamy it can be even more diverse. If you were gay, then your spouses could be of the same sex; if you were bi, then your spouses could be of mixed gender.

Bigamy is similar to Polygamy. The difference is that in a Polygamous relationship one person is married to more then one partner; but they all either live together or close to one another and they all know about each other and where they are in the relationship.

The difference between Polygamy and Bigamy can have some gray areas. Bigamy refers to one person having two spouses, so I guess polygamy would be one person having more then two spouses. Many times you will here of a man having more then one wife in different locations; whether the women knew about each other or not, this would be more Bigamy. However it is not unheard of for a woman to do the same thing.

For example:

My primary was somewhat in that type of relationship and if one wants to get technical, she still is. Her "ex husband" and she got a divorce many moons ago, but later got back together and petitioned the court to annul the divorce. They actually never did get another divorce, but he is now married to another woman who I understand is still married to another man.

Therefor if my primary remarries either I or another before doing something about this, then she would be in a Poly Bigamous relationship, just like her ex. That is one reason we don't really wish to get married. Bigamy does not quite fit into the poly category, but if one is a Bigamist and is open and honest with their partners, then they would be considered Poly and accepted in the Poly community.

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In most Poly relationships, all the people in the relationship are equal and act as a married couple "should" act. Only in a Poly relationship not all the partner should or do interact with everyone but everyone is primarily aware of what interactions are involved.

Polymonogamy; formally known as Polyfailful or Polyfidelity, is what we like to refer to as a more modern Harem. Polyfidelity is where there are a group (meaning three or more) of people in the relationship and they only have relations with those within their group. Polyfaithful is similar, but more like monogamy where they are exclusive to those in the group and everyone in the group are unanimously as one. In Polyfidelity people may come and go from the group; where in a Polyfaithful relationship, you are more or less voted in or out.

Some say that Polymonogamy is an oxymoron or something to that effect and maybe so; our definition of Polymonogamy is where three or four people are in a Polyfaithful relationship, like Polygamy but where everyone is together as one in all ways. The one thing separating Polygamists from Polyfidelity is the sex. In Polyigamy the one person has the sexual union with the others. In Polyfideltiy, all the members have sexual union with others in the group or relationship. Other then that, it is the same for the most part. Polyfaithful is half way between Polyfidelity and monogamy wherein that anyone who goes outside the relationship would be cheating.

A good example:

I am straight, my primary was bi or bi curious and was more poly positive (till her family forced her back into the closet by threatening to take her kids away); so she says...

We were both looking for another woman for a long term relationship. We were not looking for casual sex or a one night stand. We were looking for a girlfriend, for a Polymonogamous relationship. Just the three of us, no more, no less.

When her and I started dating, we were in a polyamorous relationship. I was dating another woman, not with her though she knew of her and we all three talked on the phone at times. We had no secrets. We were all free to date others, but we all rarely ever did. I cared for them both, they both cared for me, we were all pretty much loyal and faithful to each other (they to I, and I to them) much like Polygamy.

Only one of them was bi that I knew of. She is married now and we are still very close friends. The other came out to me one year into our relationship, just after the other and I decided to just be friends. Neither at the time were primary or secondary for at that time I wasn't aware of the poly community and the whole primary/secondary concept. I gave them both equal time, attention and affection, or at least made the attempt. I didn't know I was Poly, only how I was; kind of like when someone figures out they are gay for the first time...

Anyway; the other was in another polyamorous relationship as well. Her new husband was married to another woman, though they were only married by paper for legal reason, they had no other relations and he was free to seek an intimate partnership outside the marriage. They all still lived together, but later he and my friend are married and intimate with only each other. Now, my friend is monogamous but wishes she could go back to being poly.

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Poly is more about the relationship then it is about the sex. Though sex is important, poly relationships are more based on love, trust and multiple needs. Not only one person can fulfill another's every need. Sometime monogamy works, but sometimes it takes three, four or more.

In my case...

My primary fulfills a lot of my needs but she can not fulfill my intellectual and psychological needs. I on the other hand can not completely fulfill all of her emotional needs. I miss my friend for she filled that gap for me and that is what I have been searching for since, someone who can fill the gap for the both of us.

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In the Sixties and Seventy when it was about "free love", possibly when Poly people first came out; the U.S. had a real radical twist in society and how one views his or her relationship. Since then, we have just been more or less fine tuning it. That being said, it was not always about love.

In our search for finding a partner in our relationship, we have run into a lot of potential women; they may have been interested in us, but they were not interested in getting into a relationship with us. They only wanted sex.

Swinging is what normal people might think all Poly people are; but, swingers do not necessarily fit into the Poly category. Not that swinging is not about the relationship, but it is more about the sex. Most swingers rarely live together and mostly have purely sexual relationships, and that's OK, to each their own. Poly-swingers are dedicated to their partners and don't go outside the relationship, they live in a more Polyfidelity or Polyfaithful relationship. Those swingers would be Poly, but most Poly people are not always swingers...

It is common to find poly people at swinger events for there are not enough poly events out there. We have to explore other groups to find other poly people that might fit out mold and that is where PolyNetworking.com comes in, I visit as many varieties of groups as possible to bring as many poly people here so that we have an more simpler way to find and mingle with one another.

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Some may think that you need to be gay or bi to be in a poly relationship, that is not so though a lot of poly people are. Poly is mostly a collaborate of other types of relationships that don't quite fit in what you might say or think of as "Normal"; but to poly people, this is just how we are. Poly is like being bi, meaning, you would have a lot more options in your relationship.

In the Bible there were a lot of Polygynous relationship and they were not looked down upon by God. In fact in some scriptures you will find that God encouraged or instructed these such relationships; but God did not instruct "all" relationships to be this way, I believe it is more or less optional to a point. In the Bible, some men had hundreds of wives; that to me is way to many, I'd stop at three. In the HBO series "Big Love" (forgive me if I refer to it as a movie for to me it is more like one), he had three wives and had a hard time keeping up, then later wanted to ad another, I think two is plenty. Some say you can not be Christian and Poly at the same time, that Poly people are going to hell, or that we are all just devil worshipers. Then again, anyone who doesn't believe exactly the way they do, is going to hell or are devil worshiping. In that case, they need to go back to the book and stop listening to what other people tell them without doing their own homework. They hate, though they preach love and forgiveness. I am not saying that all poly relationships are or are not moral. I am just saying that like any relationship, there are some poly relationship that are biblical and that is between you and God. I try not to judge, for all have sin and come short of the glory! "Whosoever believeth, shall not perish, but have eternal life." Read the book.

This is a networking group for all poly people, we do not discriminate.

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The Mormon religion is another good example:

The Mormons use to fit more into the Polygyny category though most call it Polygamy.

Originally I was told, "While they were traveling west. Many of the men got killed protecting and defending the colony while on their way to Utah. According to their beliefs, each family must have priesthood and only men at that time could be the priesthood. So any woman that became widowed, she and her children would be adopted into another family. Some men had like 80 wives and who knows how many children. In the beginning it wasn't about intimacy, but once it became more of a practice it became more and more like a traditional harem. Now days since it is illegal in the U.S. to have more then one spouse, they now legally marry the first wife and then spiritually marry the others."

That is a misconception. The FLDS still believes in plural marriage; however, the Mormon church claims that it is not doctrinal though they still believe they will have plural wives in heaven. That doesn't make scene to me, but whatever. ???

I like other was confused until I did my homework: I was confronted by a "Radical" Christian one day saying, "Mormonism is an O colt, bla bla bla". I told her that I would take what she said into consideration; but, I can not believe what just anyone says without doing my homework. "That is what I would suggest to you, this is only what I have learned in my studies, I do not lay claim that it is all 100% Accurate. Do not believe what anyone says without doing your own homework!"

In my studies I can see where one would think that Mormonism or the FLDS are of an O colt for they believe in Polytheism & Theosis; that one must have plural wives in order to achieve Godhood and so on... That is the part that I would have a hard time accepting; but it doesn't mean it isn't true, it does sound somewhat believable. They also believe that God was once a man and had plural wives to become our God, also that Jesus had come to earth and had plural wives to achieve Godhood; though that was not the only purpose for Jesus's visit to earth. I don't deny that Jesus had or had not a wife or wives, there is so much that churches and religions hide from us that I am not sure who to believe anymore. ("Religion is corrupt, so I say go straight to the horses mouth, though I am not calling GOD a horse".)

What I did learn is that the only reason "Mormons" don't practice Polygamy anymore is because it is "illegal". That is why the Mormon church is loosing members to the Fundamentalist of Latter Day Saints, for the FLDS still practice the "True Mormon Religion".

Therefore they practiced Polygamy since before they moved to Utah. They actually fled Illinois to Utah so that they could practice their religion in peace; but as we all know, our government has to control what everyone is doing. The government caught up with them and through over 1,000 Polygamous practicing men in jail until they and the church renounced Polygamy in their religion bastardizing thousands of children. And you thought this was a free country.

Other then that I am not 100% sure; I am not Mormon, but I have Mormon friends and my primary belongs to an RLDS church (Community Of Christ). The RLDS church is similar to Jews For Jesus, but they are like Mormons For Jesus. I say that in a funny way, but I go to the church myself sometimes and they are very much a christian church though people still call them Mormons and some RLDS still read the book of Mormon; in fact we have that one and the DOC but we still believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Not all but most Mormons and the FLDS follow Joseph Smiths teachings more then they do Jesus's. They also follow the book of Mormon more then they do the Bible. The RLDS have not discarded all of the Mormon ways, but they are followers of Jesus, not Joseph. My primary was raised Catholic and I Nazarene, but I study many religions; like but not limited to Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Mormonism, all forms of Christianity; like Catholicism, Wesleyan, Holiness, Baptist, Nazarene, Unity and so on... I have started something new for people like my girlfriend; it is called, "The Rainbow LDS". What do you think? I got the idea from a "FaceBook Group", it was not the same but it was similar enough to give me the idea.

I bought the TV Series, "Big Love"; to get a better understanding of the Mormon (aka: LDS), RLDS (aka Community of Christ) & FLDS backgrounds; to understand the psychology, philosophy, pros, cons and how to be prepared for what might happen in a plural relationship and what to do if these situations actually came up for Polygamy, Polygyny, Polyandry, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Polyfaithful and Polymonogamy have very similar foundations, religion not included.

In conclusion of my Mormon study and it is not totally done, I don't feel that it is the "One True Church"; nor do I feel it is an o colt. But many people confuse what goes on in the Mormon, RLDS & FLDS religions with all other Polygamous relationships. Polygamy isn't an o cult, you have to look at the religion and their practices. There are many Christians, Muslim and other religions who live and believe in Polygamy, but not achieving Godhood or whatever. Mormonism is a couple hundred years old, Polygamy goes back to the beginning of time as we know it. Vampires have also been known to be poly, but that is a whole nother subject.

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Being Poly does not mean that you can not get married. Like the Mormon faith or the FLDS, you can marry one or the other and then together you can spiritually marry another or others and live together like one big happy family if you like. Some people have gone to other countries to get married into a Poly relationship, for in other countries they are not as narrow minded as we are here in the U.S., but their relationship would still not be recognized by our government though it is legal in the other country. I feel it is much safer just to not get married; legally, mentally and emotionally. Spiritually may be another story... Again, that is between you and God.

We chose to not "legally" marry; we found and wore Poly rings and already had a matching ring picked out for our girlfriend, if she chose to accept it. We chose to just keep it spiritual between the three of us. We don't need the government or some paper to say we are committed to each other. Some think we have commitment issues because we are not married, but if they truly understood, they would sing a different tune. I feel it is not fare to the third person if we can not legally marry her as well. We would not all three be equal if we could not all three be married, it just would not be fare or right. Not to mention the fact that the law is not on our side, the government only wants to create more chaos so that we will expect them to give us a solution for the problem that they created in the first place.

In that aspect, due to the growing number of same sex relationship though same sex couple can not get married with the exception of the flip flopping laws in California and a few other places; a lot of insurance companies are now doing away with the marriage policy. My primarys insurance says, "same sex partner" or "spouse". Therefore if we found a girlfriend, we would not have to get married in order for her to be under the same "family" plan. However, that only applies to same sex couples so far, opposite sex partners still "must" be married in order to be covered under the policy.

We looked into it and we can not all three be under the same plan... They do not yet recignize poly families but I hope that that day comes. That's OK, I am a naturalist anyway. I try to avoid doctors; like the government, they give us pills with problems so that they can give us more pills with problems to fix the problems that were created by the pills in the first place. No thank you, I will stick with my herbs, Gods medicens... That way she can allow our girlfriend to be on her insurance if needed, I don't need it. You should talk to your insurance company to make sure they don't already offer the same benefit for you and/or maybe someday could or should.

In most states in the U.S. they allow same sex couples to adopt and have children together. Therefore there are a growing number of insurance companies that understand your needs. So if your insurance company does not understand your needs, maybe we need to find new insurance companies. However if the government goes to universal health care, then we wont have to worry about it, though I am afraid that will create greater issues. But we don't know if we don't try! If you could not tell, I for one am NOT for more government. We do need a government, but not one that is more powerful then "We The People"!

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So there are several good examples of what a poly relationship could be. For you, it could be different. If anyone has a positive addition to ad, please let me know. As are you, I am still learning; as I learn more I will post more... Feel free to post your own by setting up a profile and sharing your Poly experience. This is not a date line, though others have been using it as one, I have been working on a dating sector to coexist with this one; it is call www.PolyDateLine.com.

Now remember, this is only what I have learned in my studies, I do not lay claim that it is all 100% Accurate. Do not believe what anyone says without doing your own homework!

Thank you so much, CainO'
Nov., 2008 cst.

Updated: 01-29-09 @ 0745
Updated: 04-16-09 @ 0756
Updated: 10-17-09 @ 1751
Updated: 01-06-10 @ 0923

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P.S... Please forgive any spelling errors and/or typos, for I know that is not my strong suite. Also if one could bring them to my attention in a positive manner, that would be most appreciative.

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